FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: Joe Leonard, email@example.com
MADISON WI, November 30, 2016 - "It's a total wank fest!" a musical colleague who shall remain unnamed yelled as she stood beside me on the stage at the High Noon Saloon. She was making reference to the 25+ minute musical "breakdown" jam that we were in the thick of at that moment (me on bass), along with several other musicians who were attending the MAKE MUSIC MADISON fundraiser event at the venue.
Upon further analysis, I similarly concluded that the chaotic maelstrom of music emanating from the stage was indeed a metaphor for orgiastic musical masturbation. Various performers were trading shredding solos on the two chord refrain of the albeit ironic song "Don't Be a Dick," composed collectively by several local collaborating musicians. The song encourages listeners to refrain from such dickish and douchebaggy behaviors as being mean to people or driving aggressively.
"It took 18 hours for us to record this song," said Mark Fairchild, drummer and co-writer of the so-called Dick Song seconds before the roughly 8 to 10 musicians on stage busted into the tune. "Which is way longer than it should ever take to record one song. Here we go...a one, two, three, four..."
Prior to the group Dick Song performance, several local musicians had performed short sets on the stage to help raise funds for MAKE MUSIC MADISON, a city wide music event that takes place every year on the summer solstice, June 21 (a Wednesday in 2017, for anyone interested in participating or spectating). The Dick Song was principally sung by one Kelsey Miles, with backing vocals by other musicians on stage. The KELSEY MILES BAND performed the spectacular headlining set of the evening that people can't stop talking about according to unnamed sources.
I have no idea how much money was raised for MMM 2017, but I can tell you the $10 suggested donation at the door was a great value for the music provided in return. The bands were paid in vouchers for free slices of pizza and, supposedly, six packs of good beer (as of this writing unconfirmed).