12.14.2010

10 Minutes - When It Comes to Girls

Hi. It's Joe.

I won't lie to you. I am extremely selective when it comes to women and dating. I would rather go for months without a girlfriend than settle for mediocre. I prefer quality over quantity. Besides, what if my soul mate shows up and I am stuck in a shitty but tolerable relationship with someone I don't really love?

This isn't a problem for me. I sometimes get grief from people who don't understand why I am still single. It's really OK. I choose to live my life this way. I focus on being the best person I can be in every way, finding happiness and self-actualizing my creativity, so that I may someday meet a woman who also has high standards.

Every girl I have ever dated has known that I am strong, funny, kind, creative, and caring. They all tell me this, but I already know it. In short, I'm a catch, but I am very choosy about the bait I will take.

For me to let someone in romantically, they simply have to be awesome. Awesome is, of course, very subjective. I am not going to go into what makes a girl awesome in my book here. Suffice it to say, when they are awesome, they will have no difficulty getting past my defenses. I will open right up to such a person and let them in.

It's up to them if they want to come in and be in an awesome relationship with an awesome guy who will treat them great and show them a great time. If they don't want to, they don't have to. It's totally their choice and their loss if they don't know a good thing when they see it. What can I say, I never take anything like that personally. It's not a rejection if they don't want to come in. It's just a choice. I allowed them in, and they simply had to make a choice of what to do. I know I am awesome and that's all I can be.

A girl can't just be good looking or seductive. She has to impress me with her talents and intelligence and charm. The full package has to be there or I will just be turned off. There is no particular "type" I go for, although the darker complexioned women definitely have an edge on the fair skinned. A healthy lifestyle is critical, plus good moral values and an ability to reason. Probably most important is a sharp wit and ability to carry on a decent conversation. There should also be no awkwardness in the quiet times.

And it's not like I set my standards too high either. There's a lot of wiggle room. I have met plenty of women who fit the bill, but there has always seemed to be one or more deal breakers on my end or theirs. One girl wanted to get married and have kids before I was ready to do that (deal breaker mine). Another was stuck in a bad relationship but wouldn't leave it because of the security it gave her (deal breaker hers). Most recently it was too great of an age gap between us (deal breaker hers), although in all other respects it was a perfect match for the most part.

It's fine, really. I am still friends with most of these women and they still have a place in my heart. I am perfectly happy to just be friends with these girls, which is 99% of a good relationship anyway.

In fact, I am equally selective about friends. They have to meet the same standards of moral value and intellect and wit to get close to me. Otherwise, they are acquaintances. The best romances I have ever had started out as friendships. When relationships start with romance prematurely, they lose a solid foundation of trust and respect that goes with friendship.

There are three pillars to romantic relationships, respect, trust, and love. The first two pillars are all that is needed for friendship. They need to be strong before the pillar of love can be built and form an long lasting, stable, and fulfilling relationship.

These are just thoughts.

Time.

1 comment:

  1. I should speak to one minor down side too all this. Once a girl declines the prize (me), I have this tendency to close the door completely on any future possibility for romance with her. I don't like that I do that, because I feel like all possibilities should be on the table, but that's just the way it is. I guess in my mind, I don't have any brain power to set aside for the slim chance the woman might have future potential. In most situations, I have a three strikes policy. But not in this area. One chance is all you get...and I am sorry about that.

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