1.18.2011

10 Minutes - Snow Shoveling Workout

Hi. It's Joe.

Today, my workout will be shoveling my driveway free from snow. I will be doing this between 10:30 and noon, approximately. It's a big driveway. I am going to wear snow pants and boots and bundle up. It's not horrifically cold out, but it's still pretty cold. I am going to wear my nappy dirty old winter coat, because I am probably going to sweat and I don't want to get one of my nicer coats dirty.

After that, I am going to shower. Then I will work on music stuff. I have to track a couple of demos for this weekend's Nashville Songwriters Association International (NSAI) meeting in Madison. This is a workshop where you learn the tools of songwriting and then it is followed by a song critique by a successful Nashville songwriter. Many times, this is the songwriter Tirk Wilder, who composed (and became rich from) the theme song to Walker Texas Ranger.

It only takes one hit song to be set for life.

The song that I am probably going to present to the group is called "(When I Grow Up) I Wanna Be a Cougar." It was co-written by me, Jodi, and Stefan of PURVEYORS OF PULCHRITUDE, a startup band I am putting together, that combines rock-n-roll, songwriting, and burlesque.

If you want to hear a crude demo of the song, CLICK HERE. Keep in mind that the song is mean to be sung by a girl and since we don't yet have our chick singer (Jodi doesn't sing, she plays drums), I am singing it for now. But picture a woman singing it.

Here's the lyrics for "(When I Grow Up) I Wanna Be a Cougar."

(When I Grow Up) I Wanna Be a Cougar
by Purveyors of Pulchritude


I'm a pretty college girl, working on my degree.
You'd think that I could find a guy, who was into me.
But they all get snagged by older girls.
In college bars they creep.
What the [heck], this isn't fair.
Why does he want that older [brawd], not me?

I went to get my hair done.
That's where I met Louise.
She was 41 years old, and she was such a tease.
I asked her what her secret was, how she got all the guys.
(She said) "Listen, honey, it's all about the money, if you want to win the prize."

(She looked me in the eyes, and she said...)

CHORUS 1
When you grow up, you'll want to be
A cougar sexy, fun, and free.
You'll spend your money on your cubs.
They'll give you love.
A cougar is what you wanna grow up to be.

Now I have seen the light.
The future is clear to me.
I've got to be a cougar, like Madonna and Demi.
First I'll start with tanning, then I''ll work out at the gym.
Then when I turn 40, I can get my claws deep into younger men.

Now I've got my bag of tricks and all I need to know.
If I want the younger guys to take off all their clothes.
I pencil in my eyebrows and I've got my press on nails.
When I wear my hair extensions, I get their attention.
It never fails.

(And this is how I'm gonna get some tail...)

CHORUS 2
When I grow up I wanna be
A cougar living lavishly.
Spend my money in the clubs
like lady love.
All the college girls will wanna be like me.

BRIDGE
Imagine me in double D's.
Pulchritude through surgery.
I'll hang out with my son's college friends.
I shan't abide those older men, no time for them, they won't keep up with me.

CHORUS 3
When I grow up I'm gonna be
A cougar, young guys will want me.
Spend my money on my cubs.
They'll give me love.
A cougar is what I'm gonna grow up to be.
Creepin' on the college bar room scene.
[Fishin' for some fine young cocks to tease]
Pouncing with my (growl), claws and teeth.

[NOTE: Words in square brackets will be edited for the NSAI workshop, so as not to offend the "squares."]

BACK LINKS

1. Make Your Own Business Cards.

2. Gentle Leader Head Collar for Dogs.

3. Kill the Zombies (by Shooting Them in the Heads).

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