5.22.2011

10 Minutes - No Rapture. Perplexed.

Hi. It's Joe.

I can't lie to you. I am a little bummed there was no Rapture today. Not because I expected to be chosen. I didn't. But because there was no ensuing zombie apocalypse.

You see, when the earth opens up to release all the dead from their graves, a lot of zombies get unleashed. These are dead people who either weren't Christians or were not very good Christians (you know, Dick Cheney types). They get re-animated in the whole Rapture process, but they don't get lifted up to Heaven, and some of them are pretty pissed off (you know, Dick Cheney types).

Of course, those of us still living then have to deal with this zombie threat for the next five (5) months until, as prophecy has it, God comes back and obliterates the whole planet.

That, of course, presents another problem. While fighting hordes of zombies, the remaining humans also need to make it to Area 51 in New Mexico and find the alien spacecraft that is there, in time to escape into space before the complete and total annihilation of earth by the Hand of God. After that, it is basic human ingenuity to find our way through the wormhole to the solar system that the aliens come from. Hopefully, they aren't hostile. But if they are, the human colonists can fight for survival in the alien wilderness.

That is until their God decides he has had enough of the destructive ways and obliterates them too.

Time.

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