1.30.2011

1 Minute - How to Hard Boil an Egg

Hi. It's Joe.

Seriously? You just searched the Internet to find out how to hard boil an egg?

You are not alone.

It's true. Almost 2,000 people search "how to hard boil an egg" on Google every single day.

And there are almost 30,000 web sites devoted to answering the query.

Boil. Egg.

But wait! Not so fast with the patronizing tone there, Joe... There are actually a few interesting nuances and subtleties to hard boiling an egg.

Don't believe me? CHECK THIS OUT.

Who knew that not so fresh eggs are best for hard boiling? (NOTE: They peel easier after boiling).

That's good info. Had I not done a little homework on the title of this post, I might have gone my entire life not ever knowing that fresh eggs are BAD for hard boiling, and thus made a total ass of myself. My life will now be 0.000000003% better as a result of this finding.

Do you ever wonder how much protein is in an egg? I don't know, but I can tell you it is probably a lot. I think it is probably mostly protein in an egg for all intents and purposes. That's what makes the egg hard when you boil it.

Watch this (unrelated) video because it is absolutely hilarious, especially if you think ROCK PAPER SCISSORS is dumb.



Time.


Rebound Romance
by Cactus Joe
© 2011 Cactus Joe Productions LLC


BACK LINKS

1. Make Your Own Business Cards.

2. Gentle Leader Head Collar for Dogs.

3. Big Lebowski Soundtrack.

10 Minutes - Two Day Warning

Hi. It's Joe.

On Tuesday, two days hence, I will be interviewing for a new job. I don't expect to start said job right away, but if I get an offer (and I am very optimistic), I will be starting the job soon.

That means my torrential outpouring of blog posts will dwindle to a trickle, due to the time demands of THE MAN. Don't get me wrong, this particular MAN is a decent underwriter of my creativity, and so I don't mind bartering a decent portion of my soul to HIM to keep me "in business," so to speak.

This is probably good news for some of my readers, as it will give them an opportunity to catch up on the back log of blog posts they haven't read yet (all of them excellent), maybe listen to some of the songs I have posted and watch some of the YouTube videos I have embedded. The COUCH CONCERTS (solo HOUSE CONCERTS) are enjoyable.

Today is Sunday and I have a to do list. I need to re-up my BROADJAM membership for another year. I am actually closing my music business bank account because the charlatans at the bank are changing the terms on me. They want to charge me a fee if I do not keep a $1000 minimum balance in my business account. So I am going to close it and open just a regular no fee checking account. Why are people so greedy?

Then I am going to spend a good chunk of the rest of today practicing for BABY ROCKET rehearsal on Tuesday evening (post interview). Tuesday is going to be a very busy day. I may sell my standup bass on Tuesday. I met a woman at the Madison Music Foundry whose son is learning the standup bass. She wants to check it out and maybe buy it. I need to download some details about the bass. I also need to see if I can fit the damn thing in my car to drive it to Madison. Chores...

Well, my time is about expired. I will probably post again later. In the meanwhile, have a listen to "Rebound Romance," the song I wrote yesterday.

I added some glockenspiel. Never underestimate the power of glockenspiel to make or break a song.

Time.


Rebound Romance
by Cactus Joe
© 2011 Cactus Joe Productions LLC


BACK LINKS

1. Make Your Own Business Cards.

2. Gentle Leader Head Collar for Dogs.

3. Big Lebowski Soundtrack.

1.29.2011

5 Minutes - Saturday's Awesomeness

Hi. It's Joe.

It's Saturday. Technically.

Tonight I went to hear Ken Anderson's OTHER cover band (not Baby Rocket).

They were alright. Good selection of tunes. They could have been a little tighter on some things and the singer needs to belt it out louder and stronger.

Otherwise, decent. I stayed the whole time, so that's a good thing.

Now I am really tired and I am about to go to sleep.

But not before I do my back linkages.

Time.


Beatnik Fashion Statement
by Cactus Joe
© 2011 Cactus Joe Productions LLC


BACK LINKS

1. Make Your Own Business Cards.

2. Gentle Leader Head Collar for Dogs.

3. Big Lebowski Soundtrack.

1.28.2011

10 Minutes - Big Lebowski Soundtrack (in My Bowling Movie)

Hi. It's Joe.

I do believe I am going bowling tomorrow night.

Of course, bowling for me is drinking White Russians and watching other people bowl.

You may recall the Lebowski themed bowling outing I organized last December 30 in Madison WI...



Well, it has inspired a bit of a pattern in me. Whenever I go to a bowling alley, I feel compelled to order a White Russian, even if I am not bowling.

You find the following characters represented in my movie montage of our bowling outing: The Dude, Walter, Bunny, Maude, The Stranger, Brant, and The Jesus. Good times were had by all.

I am still on the DL. Everyone thinks I am in Ohio, so I am free to do what I want this weekend without anyone harshing my gig. It is nice to take a "personal" weekend now and then. Don't you dare tell on me!

A lot of people Google search for the "big lebowski soundtrack," but surprisingly few web sites have taken advantage of this opportunity for web traffic and conversions (a fancy word for "sales"). So I have done the service here, and you'll find the Big Lebowski Soundtrack by clicking the Amazon link up there in the upper right of this blog post. Enjoy!

A few back links to this post in my subsequent posts and Jeffery Lebowski will be paying my mortgage. I just hope when I am a millionaire, the other Jeffery Lebowski doesn't get his rug peed on by an "Asian American."

Tonight I am off to see Ken Anderson perform at the VFW in Madison. I know that does not seem like an awesome live music venue, but soon I will find out and then I will let you know.

If I have the energy, I might go see Lords of the Trident at the Annex, but I am feeling kind of mellow tonight and I want to take it easy.

Time.


Beatnik Fashion Statement
by Cactus Joe
© 2011 Cactus Joe Productions LLC


BACK LINKS

1. Make Your Own Business Cards.

2. Gentle Leader Head Collar for Dogs.

3. Big Lebowski Soundtrack.

1.27.2011

10 Minutes - Beatniks Keep it on the DL

Hi. It's Joe.

Without disclosing any names, let me just say that my next employer is going to be AWESOME.

I applied for a tech writing job at this employer, with whom I did contract work last year, and I loved the people and the job.

When a FT writer position opened up, I applied right away. They took their sweet time lining me up for an interview, but I finally got one and it is next week.

Here is what is awesome. Some of the people I worked with there as a contractor really want me to get the job and they are going to get together with me OUTSIDE of work to coach me on tips I may need to land the job. That's fucking teamwork, and I love it.

At my last job, you couldn't turn your back for two seconds or someone would stab you in it.

This is the complete opposite. I already had friends who work at this particular company, before I even contracted there. So I totally knew it was cool.

I am also contributing to an extra-curricular project that one of the other writers is doing outside of the company, that is really fun. It is directly related to my new song.

In a little while, I am off to Whitewater WI to co-host an all-vinyl radio show called TURNTABLE. If all goes well, I will meet Amb afterwards for some socializing.

I ended up not going to Ohio this weekend because of weather and that job interview next week. But keep it on the down low, because I want to be left alone by the people who generally make my life stressful. If they think I am gone away, they won't inquire as to the needful things I can satisfy for them.

Right now I am going to quick pay the sales tax on GUPPY EFFECT merchandise I sold last year. Then I am off.

Tomorrow night, I am going to hear LORDS OF THE TRIDENT at the Annex in Madison WI, if anyone would like to join the heavy metal fun!

Time.


Beatnik Fashion Statement
by Cactus Joe
© 2011 Cactus Joe Productions LLC


BACK LINKS

1. Make Your Own Business Cards.

2. Gentle Leader Head Collar for Dogs.

3. Fifties Clothes: A Beatnik Fashion Statement.

10 Minutes - Beatnik Fashions in Madison WI

Hi. It's Joe.

I could write about Beatnik Fashions all day.

Tonight was the first orientation meeting of a handful of Madison-area beatniks who are going to contribute to a new web site. I can't disclose too much proprietary information on the new site, but suffice it to say, I will be posting debut information about it on this blog as soon as it is live.

The best way, therefore, to be alerted, is to put your e-mail addy in (opt in) over there in the upper right. You will be the first to know when the site is live, and you will not receive any spam EVER, I promise. But if you do, I fully expect you to unsubscribe and never talk to me again.

The new site is going to feature information for Madison WI area beatniks, on where to eat beatnik food, buy beatnik things, hear beatnik music, see beatnik films, play beatnik games, and read beatnik books.

I think it is going to be pretty sweet. Here's a rocking song called "Beatnik Fashion Statement" by Cactus Joe (Hey, that's me!). Perhaps it could be the theme music for the new beatnik web site.

OK. My time is almost up. So put your e-mail in over there and get subscribed. You don't want to miss this launch, if you are anywhere within 100 miles of Madison WI.

Time.


Beatnik Fashion Statement
by Cactus Joe
© 2011 Cactus Joe Productions LLC


BACK LINKS

1. Make Your Own Business Cards.

2. Gentle Leader Head Collar for Dogs.

3. Fifties Clothes: A Beatnik Fashion Statement.

1.26.2011

5 Minutes - 50s Clothing: A Beatnik Fashion Statement Revisited

Hi. It's Joe.

What do beatniks wear? In theory, whatever they want.

The stereotypical beatnik has a goatee and wears a turtle neck sweater, maybe even a goofy French beret.

But most true beatniks defy convention and wear whatever they want. That is what the following song is all about, and you should download it free and listen to it at all times.

If you are from Chicago, welcome. Please comment.


Beatnik Fashion Statement
by Cactus Joe
© 2011 Cactus Joe Productions LLC


BACK LINKS

1. Make Your Own Business Cards.

2. Gentle Leader Head Collar for Dogs.

3. Fifties Clothes: A Beatnik Fashion Statement.

1.25.2011

1 Minute - More Beatnik Fashions

Hi. It's Joe.

I finished the demo of Beatnik Fashion Statement, using Apple Loops in lieu of real drums until I can record a final MASTER version.

I wanted to post it here for your listening pleasure, as well as generate a little more web traffic via back links for the keyword phrase "beatnik fashion."


Beatnik Fashion Statement
by Cactus Joe
© 2011 Cactus Joe Productions LLC


I ordered a bunch of DOWNLOAD CARDS from CD Baby for my CD "Inspirado" and also the "Gingerbread (Zombie) Army" single. I can sell these at shows for $5 and $1, respectively. They only cost me $0.50 cents a piece. That's pure profit.

Time.

BACK LINKS

1. Make Your Own Business Cards.

2. Gentle Leader Head Collar for Dogs.

3. Beatnik Fashion.

10 Minutes - A Beatnik Fashion Statement

Hi. It's Joe.

I wrote a song today. It's called "Beatnik Fashion Statement." It's pretty good for a demo recorded in my living room. I love the Violet Black Knight all purpose condenser microphone for recording.

If you came to this site looking for beatnik fashions, you should listen to this song.

As it explains, there really aren't any true beatnik fashions. Except maybe turtle neck sweaters.


Beatnik Fashion Statement
by Cactus Joe
© 2011 Cactus Joe Productions LLC


I've been crazily writing stuff. It sounds good. February is coming, and that's February Album Writing Month (FAWM). A lot of what will be written will be along the lines of this song, quirky, deep, abstract, existential, non-commercial.

I'm a magnificently good song writer, and I am not just tooting my own horn. There is no market for my music because it is too damn good. What sells today and makes money is catchy pop drivel, not thoughtful stuff like this. The hooks in my songs are phenomenal. You'll be singing them all day long.

But they don't sell pharmaceuticals and fast food, so forget it.

"Beatnik Fashion Statement" might even surprise me with its awesomeness once I get Pedro over here to record drums. I have been getting some good drums mixes for a while now. This demo just has Apple Loops

HERE is an example. This is "Falling of the Rain," one of my crowd pleasing original live hits. GUPPY EFFECT, the best band in the world, recorded it at band practice the other night. I had to clean it up a lot because of the biffage on guitar and noisy vocals, but the drums were solid throughout and I have to congratulate drummer Pedro for rocking hard on a song he barely knows.

OK, I am out. If you want to know more about my music, visit www.cactusjoeonline.com.

Time.

BACK LINKS

1. Make Your Own Business Cards.

2. Gentle Leader Head Collar for Dogs.

3. How to Become a Songwriter.

1.24.2011

1 Minute - Sleepy

Hi. It's Joe.

I had a long fun weekend and now I am really tired, so I am going to go to sleep.

I don't care about football but I am glad the Packers won today.

I hung out with Clay and Gina at Wilson's bar in Madison and I got tons of pictures and movies. Gina is a Bears fan and she was not happy at all, as you can see from the PICTURES.


After that I had a nice dinner at Shane and Leora's and the Jets and Steelers played. Now we know who is going to the Super Bowl (Green Bay Packers and Pittsburg Steelers).

Steel manufacturing and meat packing, the two industries America was built on.

Tomorrow I will have another post on bad decision-making, and you'll wanna tune in for that one. In fact, it's worth subscribing to this page for (upper right).

Time.

BACK LINKS

1. Make Your Own Business Cards.

2. Gentle Leader Head Collar for Dogs.

3. How to Become a Songwriter.

1.23.2011

10 Minutes - Martin Acoustic Guitars

Hi. It's Joe.

Martin 0-28VS Acoustic Guitar StandardI rocked a kickass solo show at Tuvalu Cafe in Verona WI tonight. Everything was on, and I sounded awesome. Stefan did join me for a handful of songs, and I have to say they sounded awesome too. But I also have to say I am really beginning to enjoy playing solo more and more.

What I really need to do is get my hands on a tasty Martin acoustic guitar, like the one shown on the right. You know, a guitar that basically plays itself.

There is a little family owned guitar store in Colorado Springs CO, where my sister lives, that has some magnificent guitars. I never like to go in the place because I really want to buy something, and often leave with something expensive. Bad Joe!

After my show at Tuvalu, I swung by Dry Bean to catch my friend Belle's band TRANCE HALO. They rocked and Belle is a hottie chick bass player.

Time.

BACK LINKS

1. Make Your Own Business Cards.

2. Gentle Leader Head Collar for Dogs.

3. How to Become a Songwriter.

1.21.2011

10 Minutes - Tornadic Activity

Hi. It's Joe.

I wrote a song this morning.

It's called "Tornadic Activity" and it's a metaphorical song about relationship angst. Not that I am having relationship angst. You have to have a relationship before you can have angst, ha ha.

CLICK HERE if you want to hear it. Then, if you want to, you can leave a comment below telling me what you think.

I have a couple other songs in the works, so stay tuned. One is called "Beatnik Fashion Statement" and another is called "Moisture."

And these are only preambulatory (not really a word) to the songs I will be writing in February as part of February Album Writing Month (FAWM). This is just practice, getting my chops honed for the inspirado-fest that is FAWM.

I got my new Android phone today, via UPS. I don't really have time to set it up before my weekend kicks into full throttle, starting with BABY ROCKET practice at 4 PM today, followed by a social with friends at some kind of Middle Eastern hookah bar with belly dancers. That should be a trip.

Tomorrow (Saturday) there is a Nashville Songwriters Association International (NSAI) workshop in Madison from 10 AM to 1 PM, followed by PURVEYORS OF PULCHRITUDE practice, and then a songwriter's showcase I am hosting at Tuvalu Coffee Shoppe in Verona WI from 7 to 9 PM. Full day of music.

Sunday has an early GUPPY EFFECT (best band ever) practice at 10 AM, in violation of High Metal Council rule "No Rocking Before Noon." But this is because of the big football game on which the future of mankind, time, space, and dimension hinges - that being the one between the Packers and the Bears. It will be a true demon battle. I honestly don't give a crap, but it's an excuse to go to a party and eat free food and talk to girls, so that works for me.

Time.

BACK LINKS

1. Make Your Own Business Cards.

2. Gentle Leader Head Collar for Dogs.

3. How to Become a Songwriter.

1.20.2011

10 Minutes - Pictures of Cactus

Hi. It's Joe.

I'm a songwriter.

My stage name is Cactus Joe.

The way I got this name is not particularly cool or interesting.

While I do have a penchant for things "American Southwest," that is not the basis for my nickname.

In essence, the reason I carry this moniker has to do with the fact that I do not have a green thumb when it comes to house plants.

I have a tendency to forget to water them.

As such, the house plants that do well in my house are cacti.

I don't even have that many cacti in my house. But at one time, I had enough that it was notable.

And the person who noted it was one of my drummers that I was playing with at the time.

He had a penchant for nicknames, and he attached the nickname "Cactus Joe" to me, and started referring to me as Cactus Joe publicly.

Well, the name took. It took a long time to take with me, actually, though I now hesitantly embrace it. But it took really fast with most other people, and today I am no longer called "Joe" by many people, but rather "Cactus."

A few people have even taken to calling me "Cacti," the plural of cactus. I'm not sure why this is, other than it seems to be a nickname derived from the original nickname, a variation on the theme. Clearly, I do not resemble a field of cactuses. I am still just one person, not yet cloned. Even if I had a clone, I am sure we would seldom be seen publicly together.

I think if I ever had a child, I would want it to be an actual clone of myself. This is not because I am vain. It is because I would like to give the clone of myself a better upbringing than I had, in hopes of producing an "Uber Cactus" someday. Not that my upbringing was poor. It was quite good, and I did end up being a fairly super human example of a human specimen, at least with regard to my musicianship. But there is always room for improvement.

Then again, I do have a short attention span, so maybe I wouldn't be the best role model for my cloned offspring. Plus, what woman would want to carry my embryonic clone around until it had gestated amply enough to fend for itself outside the womb?

Time.

1. Make Your Own Business Cards.

2. Gentle Leader Head Collar for Dogs.

3. How to Become a Songwriter.

5 Minutes - Pulchritude is a Big Word

Hi. It's Joe.

I have to go to bed in five (5) minutes, so I can get up fairly early and teach a bass lesson in the morning. I just wanted to write a little before slumber, and it was a chance for more back links (placed inconspicuously below).

After teaching tomorrow, I am going to work on a song called "Moisture." It is about moist (not exactly wet, but wetter than dry) things. Eyes. Humidity. Loins. Clouds.

Then I am co-hosting an all vinyl radio show with Matt and Ashley on WSUW 91.7 FM from 4-5 PM, in Whitewater. What am I going to do when those college kids graduate and I don't have any radio shows to co-host anymore? Well, hopefully by then I will be on to bigger and better things.

I was supposed to hear about the tech writer job today, but didn't. I will give them until Friday then I am going to become tremulous.

It's nice to be single again, and freely able to hang with my B(F)FFs and not have a jealous girlfriend moaning about it all the time. Not that that ever happened, mind you, but in the abstract it is a nice thing.

Time.

How to Become a Songwriter.

1.19.2011

1 Minute - Define Pulchritude (Definition)

Hi. It's Joe.

As I suspected (feared?), most of the Google searching surrounding the keyword "pulchritude" has to do with the definition of pulchritude.

Since this blog post is going to generate a pantload of traffic for the keyword searches "define pulchritude" and "pulchritude definition," I am just going to go ahead and put the definition of pulchritude right here:
Pul·chri·tude   
[puhl-kri-tood, -tyood]
–noun

physical beauty; comeliness.

Origin: 1350–1400; ME < L pulchritūdō beauty, equiv. to pulchri- (comb. form of pulcher beautiful) + -tūdō -tude

Synonyms
loveliness, beauteousness, fairness.
Now I will use pulchritude in a sentence: The PURVEYORS OF PULCHRITUDE is a burlesque indie rock-n-roll band from Madison WI. Check them out.

I can't lose with this keyword. Only 13 pages in all of Cyberspace contain the keyword phrase "define pulchritude" in their titles. Only 156 pages contain "pulchritude definition" in the content of the site.

I thank you for your interest in PULCHRITUDE.

Time.

10 Minutes - Haunted Places in Wisconsin

Hi. It's Joe.

A friend of mine wants to show people the haunted places of Wisconsin and is developing a web site for such tourist attractions as "Haunted Houses in Milwaukee" and "Haunted Hotels of Green Bay." Maybe not those specific things, but similar.

Anyway, I thought that would be a decent topic for today's blog post. After all, I have to write about something.

I don't believe in ghosts and I think people who do are plumb crazy.

But there's money in crazy. And I do believe in money. I also believe in making crazy people happy, to the extent that their crazy obsessions are not repressed, then later channeled into six state shooting sprees (which generates a lot more ghosts, and thus a lot more places the crazies need to see before they die, which leads to greater angst and anxiety in the crazies, more repression, sprees, and, well, you can see the cycle of doom that's created there).

So I have provided some links for people looking for haunted places in Wisconsin. These are just starting points, resources that Amazon thought were the most relevant, and who am I to question Amazon?

Well, I've about exhausted that topic. Suffice to say "haunted places in Wisconsin" is a very nice keyword phrase for generating traffic on this subject. Lots of daily searches for it, and weak competition, especially if it appears in the title (as it does for this blog post - see, everything happens for a reason!). "Haunted hayrides in PA" is also good. That was pure gravy.

Well, it's 15 minutes until noon. I've hit my 10 minutes of writing mark for today, so I am going to paste in my back links below and call it for now. I might write some more later depending on how the spirit grabs me. Stay tuned for a new song, a pre-FAWM song, just for practice.

BACK LINKS

1. Make Your Own Business Cards.

2. Gentle Leader Head Collar for Dogs.

3. How to Become a Songwriter.

10 Minutes - How to Become a Songwriter

Hi. It's Joe.

How to become a songwriter is not rocket science.

There is only one simple step involved. Write songs.

I know that seems like an oversimplification, but as with anything 90% of TALENT is PRACTICE.

But that addresses a slightly different question: How to Become a GOOD Songwriter.

Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts. First, you have to become a songwriter by writing songs.

Do this enough, and then you will start to become a GOOD songwriter.

Understand that you must write many songs that "suck" before you will write a song that "does not suck." Thus, the only way to write a good song, is to write many songs.

Songwriting is not a good trade for people seeking to make living or who don't take brutal criticism well. I have a thick skin. I don't take anything personally when it comes to songwriting. I take feedback and I use it to make my next song better.

I have a lot of songs that suck. I have a few that don't.

I wouldn't have the non-sucky songs if it were not for the sucky songs. So that's my thesis.

If you want to write songs, then just write them.

Time.

BACK LINKS

1. Make Your Own Business Cards.

2. Gentle Leader Head Collar for Dogs.

3. How to Write a Song Step by Step.

1.18.2011

10 Minutes - Snow Shoveling Workout

Hi. It's Joe.

Today, my workout will be shoveling my driveway free from snow. I will be doing this between 10:30 and noon, approximately. It's a big driveway. I am going to wear snow pants and boots and bundle up. It's not horrifically cold out, but it's still pretty cold. I am going to wear my nappy dirty old winter coat, because I am probably going to sweat and I don't want to get one of my nicer coats dirty.

After that, I am going to shower. Then I will work on music stuff. I have to track a couple of demos for this weekend's Nashville Songwriters Association International (NSAI) meeting in Madison. This is a workshop where you learn the tools of songwriting and then it is followed by a song critique by a successful Nashville songwriter. Many times, this is the songwriter Tirk Wilder, who composed (and became rich from) the theme song to Walker Texas Ranger.

It only takes one hit song to be set for life.

The song that I am probably going to present to the group is called "(When I Grow Up) I Wanna Be a Cougar." It was co-written by me, Jodi, and Stefan of PURVEYORS OF PULCHRITUDE, a startup band I am putting together, that combines rock-n-roll, songwriting, and burlesque.

If you want to hear a crude demo of the song, CLICK HERE. Keep in mind that the song is mean to be sung by a girl and since we don't yet have our chick singer (Jodi doesn't sing, she plays drums), I am singing it for now. But picture a woman singing it.

Here's the lyrics for "(When I Grow Up) I Wanna Be a Cougar."

(When I Grow Up) I Wanna Be a Cougar
by Purveyors of Pulchritude


I'm a pretty college girl, working on my degree.
You'd think that I could find a guy, who was into me.
But they all get snagged by older girls.
In college bars they creep.
What the [heck], this isn't fair.
Why does he want that older [brawd], not me?

I went to get my hair done.
That's where I met Louise.
She was 41 years old, and she was such a tease.
I asked her what her secret was, how she got all the guys.
(She said) "Listen, honey, it's all about the money, if you want to win the prize."

(She looked me in the eyes, and she said...)

CHORUS 1
When you grow up, you'll want to be
A cougar sexy, fun, and free.
You'll spend your money on your cubs.
They'll give you love.
A cougar is what you wanna grow up to be.

Now I have seen the light.
The future is clear to me.
I've got to be a cougar, like Madonna and Demi.
First I'll start with tanning, then I''ll work out at the gym.
Then when I turn 40, I can get my claws deep into younger men.

Now I've got my bag of tricks and all I need to know.
If I want the younger guys to take off all their clothes.
I pencil in my eyebrows and I've got my press on nails.
When I wear my hair extensions, I get their attention.
It never fails.

(And this is how I'm gonna get some tail...)

CHORUS 2
When I grow up I wanna be
A cougar living lavishly.
Spend my money in the clubs
like lady love.
All the college girls will wanna be like me.

BRIDGE
Imagine me in double D's.
Pulchritude through surgery.
I'll hang out with my son's college friends.
I shan't abide those older men, no time for them, they won't keep up with me.

CHORUS 3
When I grow up I'm gonna be
A cougar, young guys will want me.
Spend my money on my cubs.
They'll give me love.
A cougar is what I'm gonna grow up to be.
Creepin' on the college bar room scene.
[Fishin' for some fine young cocks to tease]
Pouncing with my (growl), claws and teeth.

[NOTE: Words in square brackets will be edited for the NSAI workshop, so as not to offend the "squares."]

BACK LINKS

1. Make Your Own Business Cards.

2. Gentle Leader Head Collar for Dogs.

3. Kill the Zombies (by Shooting Them in the Heads).

1.17.2011

30 Seconds - What If I Back Link to McDonalds Breakfast Times?

Hi. It's Joe.

This post is just pure gravy.

My keyword "McDonalds Breakfast Times" in the last blog post was a good one for Google rankings, and I am trying to push that page ever higher in the search for that term.

And that's what I just did, by linking to it in the prior paragraph.

Sorry for that, but humor me. I'm experimenting. Here's a funny video to make up for it...



Time.

10 Minutes - McDonald's Breakfast Times and Breakfast Egg Recipes

Hi. It's Joe.

It's rather amazing how many people search Google for "McDonald's Breakfast Times."

Wouldn't it be cool if McDonald's served breakfast 24/7, like most of the rest of the civilized world?

How many times have you been to a greasy spoon diner at, say, 3:45 pm in the afternoon, and they are perfectly willing to fry you up some eggs or French toast. A grill is a grill. It doesn't discriminate what foods it will cook based on the time of day.

Yet, McDonald's does not grasp this. How many times have you been to a McDonald's at 10:30 am in the morning (still a perfectly reasonable hour to get breakfast, I would say), only to be told they stopped serving breakfast at 10 am.

What, did they just run out of pre-fabricated eggs and English muffins at 10 am? It would seem like that kind of thing would keep for a while, especially given all the chemicals they pump into the chickens.

I don't even eat McDonald's because I saw the movie Supersize Me and I worked in R&D at a vitamin company for eight years, where I learned what McDonald's does not like the public to know - that food is directly linked to health, and junk food is as harmful to long term health as cigarettes are.

Not that I won't occasionally eat some junk food, in a pinch. Sometimes it's all there is, and I am not going to starve myself. But what if I already had some breakfast egg recipes, and knew how to make them? FAST!

Did you ever notice how there are very few cookbooks on how to make fast food? But there is one, called "Even More Top Secret Recipes: More Amazing Kitchen Clones of America's Favorite Brand-Name Foods" by Todd Wilbur.

No longer do you have to suffer at the whimsy hands of McDonald's strict adherence to time when you desperately need a greasy Egg McMuffin sandwich. Now you have breakfast egg recipes at your fingertips.

Now, you can make fast food at home. OK, so it isn't really fast if you have to make it, instead of some pimply high school kid making minimum wage.

But then again, you did just waste all that time driving down to McDonald's, only to find the clock Nazi's denying you your God-given right (as an American) to a fast food breakfast.

So now what are you gonna do? Well, you are going to stand up for your rights and make your own, that's what.

In fact, I am going to go whip up some eggs right now.

Time.

RESOLUTIONS

1. Make Your Own Business Cards.
2. Gentle Leader Head Collar for Dogs.
3. Breakfast Egg Recipes.

30 Minutes - SpongeBob HempPants

Hi. It's Joe.

Because I am such a prolific and talented writer, I've decided that my current strategy with regard to search engine optimization (yawn!) is to simply get as many blog posts published on the Web as possible, and hope that statistically Google likes a few of them.

One approach I have for this is to visit Amazon and seek out random topics. Today's topic is SpongeBob SquarePants. Why? I don't know. That is where my somewhat random perusal of Amazon led me.

I've always been somewhat intrigued and put off at the same time by SpongeBob SquarePants. He's a sponge named Bob, and his pants are square (presumably, because sponges are square and he's a sponge). Whoever came up with this concept for a cartoon character is at once genius and insane.

They are genius because they were able to market the most bizarre concept to the general public. They are insane because, well, it's a sponge that wears square pants.

I should probably embrace the idea of SpongeBob SquarePants, but I can't.

Conversely, I can embrace the idea of SpongeBob HempPants. I have no idea what it is, but I like the sound of it. It sounds unconventional, almost like a backlash against the generic SpongeBob SquarePants, or at the very least his dope-smoking friend. Oddly, the keyword phrase "spongebob hemppants" gets a decent amount of traffic each day, and competition is weak. So this post ought to get a few hits.

Speaking of dope-smoking, I went to hear PEOPLE BROTHERS BAND last night. They sounded pretty good, and I jumped up for three (3) songs. The draw at the bar was excellent. The guy who books bands at Mr. Roberts is a cock smoker, I found out. I was asking him about booking GUPPY EFFECT there and he told me Mr. Roberts is all about the MONEY now, not the music. He indicated that he thought GUPPY EFFECT did not have a good draw at Mr. Roberts, but that was B.S. We had decent nights. It's just that we don't suck, and he knows it and is jealous. We also aren't as much of a jam band as he'd like. This guy can afford to be an arrogant a-hole because he is good at what he does. But he is still an a-hole and has no friends. Now that he has burned a bridge with me, he will find no sympathy when he needs GUPPY EFFECT's rock-n-roll super powers.

Well, I could lambast the guy all day, but I have better things to do. GUPPY EFFECT has been tearing it up. We are playing a sold out show at Carps Landing in Lake Mills on February 11 with another band, ToEleven (cuz the date is 2/11). We have a bunch of new songs, and my guitar player Stefan reckons we have over six (6) hours of repertoire now. That blows almost every band out of the water. GUPPY EFFECT is a unique band because we don't NEED a-hole music promoters. Music isn't our principle livelihood, so we don't have to sell out, and we can do what we want and tell everyone to fuck off. Guys like the booking agent at Mr. Roberts will struggle their whole lives to make a living while trying to be successful at music, and they will waste a lot of energy that way. Whereas, we of GUPPY EFFECT can live comfortably and focus on our art and creativity. For us, there's no down side.

The goal this year is to spread the good word of GUPPY EFFECT far and wide, by whatever means necessary. We aren't in this to make money. We are in it to make great rock-n-roll that people loves and other bands envy. I'm becoming a kickass singer and songwriter, and the people that hear my music and my band LOVE it. They are hooked. We just need to get more people hooked.

I rehearsed with BABY ROCKET today, for the revamping of that fun cover band. We are going to play A Ha's "Take On Me" and also a medley of songs that include:

1. "Suzie Q" by CCR
2. "White Rabbit" by Jefferson Aeroplane
3. "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred

I am a much better writer in the morning, and I have on my calendar this week to do my 10 minutes of free writing in the morning when my mind is fresh. It should be a lot better than this sad pathetic excuse for a blog post. But if you are still reading at this point, I thank you.

Time.

This is where I do my shameless back links. If you remember, I said I was going to try and be better about back linking this year. I am going to have hundreds of blog posts out on the web by the end of the year, and that means hundreds of back links, which google simply adores.

My main back links are the make your own business cards one and the gentle leader head collar for dogs one.

But I think three (3) is the magic number, so I am also going to include an internal back link to a prior post on this blog, maybe from the previous day or so. I suspect Google will like this. I think I am going to back link here to my COUCH CONCERT performance of "Most Beautiful Girl in the Room" by Flight of the Conchords. I didn't research that keyword phrase for relevance and strength, but I want to let Google decide.

I will always put back links after the end of my daily blog posts. That way they won't annoy you. They'll be more like commercials you can simply ignore (but Google can't, and won't, or might, but I don't care).

1.16.2011

10 Minutes - Time for Sleep and Back Links

Hi. It's Joe.

I don't have time for this post, but I am making time.

I just got back from rocking out with the People Brothers Band. And by rocking out, I mean dancing to, because as you'll recall, thy fired me. But I never take anything personally, and they are a fun band to dance to.

I always get wired up after a good rock show, even when I am not performing, only partying. So it's hard to go to sleep when I get home. I thought maybe blogging a few minutes would relax me and I would get sleepy.

I think it's working. Writing for me is like a catharsis, a therapeutic endeavor. I may have to blacklist Mr. Roberts bar in Madison. It used to be a cool venue for local bands to play, but now I have it from a primary source that it's no longer about the MUSIC, it's about the money. That will sacrifice the integrity of the bands that play there.

I'm going to finish out this short post with backlinks to some other site of mine. I am horrible about backlinking and I don't like to waste valuable blog space on backlinks, because I care about giving my readers some quality material.

But this seems like a perfect opportunity for some gratuitous backlinks.

1. Make Your Own Business Cards.
2. Gentle Leader Head Collar for Dogs.
3. Best Band in the World.

Yeah, you always have to have one totally crazy backlink, I think.

Head collars. Right...

Time.

1.15.2011

10 Minutes - Karmic Orchestrata and Cutest Girl Ever

Hi. It's Joe.

Today, the girl I have had a crush on FOREVER gave me her number.

I probably would have gotten it a long time ago, but was either too shy to ask or the forces of nature were working against me.

She's a waitress at a local restaurant/cafe and the cutest girl I ever did see. The past couple times I stopped in there to eat, she was not working. On prior occasions, when she was working, it was always a mad house in there and not conducive to casual conversation.

But today, the stars aligned. I went to the cafe with my friends Todd and Sherry, after the lunch rush had died down. I was helping Todd and Sherry load their borrowed truck for their gradual move to Osh Kosh, and we needed some fueling before we began the heavy lifting.

My crush was working, wearing a Green Bay Packers jersey and just looking cute as a cucumber. We sat at the breakfast bar, and because most of the customers were gone, she was able to banter with us at her leisure.

I asked her if she liked to dance. She said yes. I asked if she wanted to go dancing with me some time. She said yes. I asked, "Can I get your number?" She said yes. I could not have been happier.

She also said she is going to come to the GUPPY EFFECT rock show on Friday February 11 at Carp's Landing in Lake Mills. Sherry is going to come too, that way my crush can have someone to hang out with whilst I am rocking her socks off from the stage. Furthermore, since GUPPY EFFECT is opening for another band that night (actually splitting the bill 50/50), I will be able to hang out and dance with her during the second band.

I don't want to jinx it, so I am going to shut up now.

Tonight I am going to see People Brothers Band at Mr. Roberts in Madison. That is the band that fired me a couple of weeks ago, right before Christmas. However, it was a mutual, amicable parting of ways, and I have nothing against them. They are a good band and I want to hear them and dance to them as a spectator, rather than a performer, because they are quite good. Part of the reason they fired me, I think, is because I would all too often leave the stage with my wireless bass and mingle with the audience so I could see and hear the awesomeness they were experiencing. There was a lot of Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle in that endeavor though, because by being the observer, I was actually changing the outcome of the experiment (to wit, the fans became more interested in my contra-stage wanderings than with the band on stage, which I think made the band irritated).

In the meanwhile, I am going to work out and then practice some music. GUPPY EFFECT is learning three (3) new songs:

1. "Man of Constant Sorrow" by the Soggy Bottom Boys (punk rock rendish).
2. "The Government Totally Sucks (You Motherfucker)" by Tenacious D.
3. "Fuck You" by Cee Lo Green (this is the one People Brothers cover that I really miss not playing with them anymore).



Also, now that I am performing with BABY ROCKET again, I have to learn (bass and vocals) for "La Grange" by ZZ Top and (maybe) "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC. Both are going to be really challenging. But the one that is going to be most hard (surprisingly) is A Ha's "Take On Me." You would not think that song is so hard, but it's not as easy as you would think. I think it is one that I will need to play in the car over and over to get it right, vocally at least. The bass part is simple, but singing and playing it will be a challenge.

I'm thinking about voice lessons. I'm starting to become a decent enough singer that I thought a few tips from a pro might push me over the cliff into really good singer. So I have a introductory lesson with a singing teacher this Tuesday at Madison Music Foundry.

Time.

1.14.2011

3 Minutes - COUCH CONCERT: Most Beautiful Girl (in the Room) by FOTC

Hi. It's Joe.

Here's another COUCH CONCERT video for you.

Here I am performing "Most Beautiful Girl (in the Room)" by Flight of the Conchords.



If you enjoy it, CLICK HERE.

Time.

10 Minutes - It's the End of the World as We Know It

Hi. It's Joe.

Leonardo da Vinci left this morning. I was ready for the shock wave this time, when he vanished into the fabric of time-space, and the atmosphere rushed in to fill the man shaped vaccuum he left behind. It was a bit like a clap of thunder, not quite as loud. But still surprisingly loud.

Anyway, before he left, he managed to explain to me that the end of the world ("fine del mondo") is coming at the end of the year. He said this year, 2011, is the "ultimo anno di umanità," or the final year for humanity, I think. Thanks for the awesome news there, Chet.

Then he said something else that sounded like "far allah major party di esso." I am not sure what it meant, but since it sounded like he said "major party," I am going to assume he was saying "party like it's the end of the world, because it is."

Right before he vanished into his wormhole or whatever he uses to travel time-space, he looked at me and said, somewhat solemnly I thought, "lumenita nonay ree you sheeta. tropo malay." I wish I knew what it meant, since it sounded important.

Oh well, it was nice having Renaissance Man Leonard da Vinci around for a few days. He was a real nice guy, inquisitive, fun, and a good cook.

PS. He left me that chicken cattiatore recipe, so I can make it for you some time.

Time.

1.13.2011

3 Minutes - "Video Killed the Radio Star" by the Buggles (ala POT USA) as performed by ME!

Hi. It's Joe.

Here.



And I would expect another one shortly, if I was you.

Time.

3 Minutes - Ex-Girlfriend Gone. Hoover SteamVac Still Here.

Hi. It's Joe.

So, thanks to an oversight on her part, my ex-girlfriend forgot to take her Hoover SteamVac when she moved out.

This thing is freakin' AWESOME.

It totally removes carpet stains and for doggie vomit, it's a miracle.

Basically, you fill the reservoir with dish soap water and a little vinegar (optional).

The machine heats and sprays the soapy solution on the stain and then applies these high speed brushes (apparently) to scrub it away.

On the front of the SteamVac is a groove that sucks the soapy solution (and stain components) back up into a catch basin

NOTE: You have to move the SteamVac backwards over the stain, counter-intuitive to the way you would use a regular vaccuum cleaner.

So far there is no stain this thing can't remove.

Karma always pays back, and Da Vinci can't get enough of this thing - he's fascinated ("a fashay nantay!").

Time.

1.12.2011

10 Minutes - Angels and Demons and Don't Spare the Horses!

Hi. It's Joe.

So, after the amazing Italian chicken dish Leonard da Vinci cooked for me, I took him to Madison to see a show. One of my friend's bands played.

The whole drive there, Leonardo was checking out all the LEDs on the dashboard of my Prius and kept ecstatically yelling what sounded phonetically like, "Doe vay so no eek a valley," and occasionally, "No eek a valley, stoop a fetch en tay."

No idea. But when we got to the High Noon rock club and the band kicked it, his eyes went wide and he watched in silent awe, occasionally waving his hands about his head as if in dazed wonderment.

After about three songs, during a break in the music, he grabbed my arm and leaned close to say in my ear, "Dell dee ah volo dee la vorro." It sounded a little like "diablo" something, so I think he was saying it was the devil's music maybe. So true. So true. But I don't know for sure.

I bought him a few beers and after a while his awe turned to excitement and he began to twirl about in frenzied dancing to the rock-n-roll music. Man can dance, let me tell you.

He was quite the hit with the ladies too, serenading and amusing them with his moves on the flo'. They thought his odd Italian dialect was sexy and it was cute that he didn't know any English at all. Even if he did know a little English, it would be 16th century Renaissance English and that's a lot different than today's English.

It would be like trying to have a conversation with Shakespeare. Shakespeare with a strong Italian accent.

Anyway, we are back home now, watching Angels and Demons on Netflix (I thought Da Vinci Code might be a bit much, don't you agree?).

He can't understand a word of it, but he's completely entranced, like a 3-year old in front of Saturday morning cartoons. Mesmerized. I got the guest room ready, and I have to say I am feeling a bit like a medieval inn keeper right now. It's kind of cool.

Time.

10 Minutes - Chicken Cattiatore a la Da Vinci

Hi. It's Joe.

I don't speak Italian.

But Leonardo da Vinci does, and he is speaking it very fast as he makes chicken cattiatore in my kitchen.

With much signing and chicken dancing, he was able to communicate his need for chicken (in Italian this sounds like "polo" and it is hilarious to watch a man say "polo" while flapping chicken wings, I don't know why). I had just been grocery shopping, so I had some boneless chicken breasts, which he quite admired.

At first I didn't know what he meant by "foongee," but after I opened my fridge for him, he pointed at the mushrooms and then I smacked myself, since he was saying "fungi," only in Italian this means mushrooms. I thought he was swearing at me. But that's a slightly different word.

The "fareena" (flour) was a more difficult translation since I don't keep that in the fridge, but the word for "pasta" is the same in both languages and eventually we ended up at the cupboard with the lazy susan where I keep the non-perishables, and he grabbed the sack of whole wheat flour.

Surprisingly, I knew right away what "olio d'oliva" and "vino" were, and once he had those items in hand, and a large skillet, he was off and cooking.

At one point he seemed consternated, like he had forgotten something, and motioned at me, repeating "teemo, teemo!" I assumed he meant "time" and pointed at the clock on the stove. "No, no, no," he admonished. "Teemo! Lee erba, teemo!"

Then I got it, he wanted the herb thyme ("l'erba timo"). Luckily, I had some.

Authentic Italian old school chicken cattiatore is fucking delicious.

Time.

10 Minutes - Da Vinci: Time Traveler?

Hi. It's Joe.

I just about had a heart attack when the guy appeared in my living room, seemingly out of nowhere.

It was more the low thump of the accompanying pressure wave that sent a massive load of adrenaline into my blood stream, and dislodged most of the CDs from my nearby media rack.

"What the fuck?" I yelled, jumping backwards as the human form materialized in front of me.

As my fight or flight responses pummeled it out with each other as to what exactly I should do, the man held up his hands, palms facing me, in the universal sign of "don't worry, I am not a threat."

Still, a strange man was in my living room, where moments before I had been alone, listening to music, which now still emanated from the speakers of my home stereo.

"Pah chay," said the man. Then again, "Pah chay."

"Pah chay?" I repeated back to him. "What's that?"

"Pah chay," he said again. Then he moved his outspread hands to his chest and said, "Da Vinci. Leonardo Da Vinci."

After a moment of thought that included the logical reasoning that it was just as likely this man in front of me was Leonardo da Vinci as it was for a man, any man, to materialize out of thin air in my living room, I held up my hands and repeated back to him, "Pah chay."

Then I indicated myself and said, "Joe." In retrospect, it was a very disciplined response considering the fantastical thing that had just happened.

"Joe," he replied, although it sounded more like Choe, and then he smiled and said slowly what sounded like "so no una meeko," which he repeated twice for emphasis.

I was to discover later that what I had heard phonetically as "pah chay" was actually "pace," the Italian word for "peace." He had been trying to convey to me that he came in peace, and "so no una meeko" was actually "sono un amico," Italian for "I am a friend."

Time.

1.11.2011

10 Minutes - Let's Watch Being John Malkovich (Films)

Hi. It's Joe.

Today's 10 minute blog post is inspired by procrastination in that I need to work out but don't want to. I will. But I am putting it off until the very last possible second, which at this point will be about 1:30 PM.

I have to do a long one, as a result of my birthday being last weekend, and my friend Jodi subsequently making a giant mess o' cupcakes, many of which I ate. I have not worked out since, and I can't get behind on the workouts.

I'm going to fuel my workout (or at least tolerate it) by watching the movie "Men Who Stare at Goats" with George Clooney. It's streamable on NETFLIX, which is nice. NETFLIX is pretty awesome. For only about $8.50 a month, I can watch unlimited movies and TV shows. That is well worth it. Granted, a lot of the stuff I want to see is not yet in streaming format, and I'm not going to upgrade to the DVD plan. My hope is that their marketing people are working hard to get as many titles streamable as possible. I really want to see "Machete" but it is DVD only. "Being John Malkovich" is streamable, but I have already seen it. That was a while ago though, and it is a kickass movie I would see again.

I watched "Zombie Strippers" last night. It was campy and stupid, but it made fun of George W. Bush a lot, and I can never get enough lambasting on that retarded chimp.

Google makes me title my blog posts in very bizarre ways to gain traffic share. F Google.

Time.

1.10.2011

10 Minutes - Omega-3 Fatty Acids and Music

Hi. It's Joe.

I am a proponent of fish oil supplements because the American diet is very low in the essential fatty acids DHA and EPA needed for health. The body can't make these fats and so if you want to get enough, fish oil is pretty much the only way to go. That, or eat a crapload of fish. This morning I decided to write a short blog post about flaxseed oil vs. fish oil on my CJ Scientific Communication site.

I did this for two reasons. The most important reason was to educate and help my fellow humans live a better life and be healthy. The second reason, which relates to the first, is that the keyword phrase "flaxseed oil vs fish oil" just happens to be a very good for SEO.

So by using that keyword, I am able to increase the chances my fellow humans will find the blog post and make use of its information. That's the plan anyway.

Today is Monday and I am way behind schedule. The goal today is to produce the COUCH CONCERT I recorded of Iowa's STRONG LIKE BEAR indie rock band.

Then I am going to perform a COUCH CONCERT of my own song, BREAKUP SONG #2. I hope I get that done in a timely fashion.

Beyond that, I wait...

Time.

10 Minutes - Motorhead Lyrics (Ace of Spades)

Hi. It's Joe.

I am going to see Motorhead in Milwaukee on February 16th.

Last Friday night, my band GUPPY EFFECT (the greatest and best band in the world) pulled off a startling rendition of "Ace of Spades" by Motorhead.

I sang it, and it was like I was channeling Lemmy, somehow, gravelly voice and all. I left my body briefly and this is what I sang to the mad throngs at the live rock show:


If you like to gamble, I'll tell you how you'll land.
You win some, lose some, it's all the same to me.
The pleasure is to play, it makes no difference what you say.
Honesty or greed, the only card I need is the
ACE OF SPADES, ACE OF SPADES.

Playin' for the high roll, dancin' with the devil.
Goin' with the flow, it's all a game to me.
7 or 11, it's snake eyes watching you.
Double up or quit, double stake or split.
The ACE OF SPADES, the ACE OF SPADES.

I know I'm going to lose, and gambling's for fools.
But that's the way I like it baby, I don't wanna live forever.
And don't forget the Joker.

Pushing up the ante, I know you've got to see me.
Read 'em and weep, the dead man's hand again.
I see it in your eyes, take one look and die.
The only thing you see, you know it's going to be...
The ACE OF SPADES, ACE OF SPADES.
ACE OF SPADES, ACE OF SPADES.

If you love Motorhead, is that the way you would interpet Lemmy's lyrics on this song? Comment on this blog post to let me know. Thanks!

By the way, I love the MOTORHEAD BOX SET. It rocks hard and pure. Catchy speed metal rawness from all epochs of this great band.

Time.

1.09.2011

1 Minute - What is the Capital of Belize (all-inclusive)?

Hi. It's Joe.

It occurred to me that I have no idea what the capital of Belize is. Because I am lazy, I thought rather than go and Google it myself, I would attract random visitors to this post (via the AWESOME, albeit possibly misspelled, SEO keywords I put in the title) and have them tell me via comments below. Thank you in advance!

So if you know the Belize capital city, write it below. Don't Google it, if you don't know, because that's cheating. I mean, I could go do that, but like I said I am a lazy ass and would prefer to see if my workload-easing SEO optimization of this blog (and you, reader) can do my work for me.

Don't think of it as being exploited. Think of it as participating in an experiment to test my SEO skills.

I also need to mention the keyword "Belize all-inclusive" right now, because that appears to be a good one for useless junk traffic. I guess a lot of people want to go to Belize and have EVERYTHING included, whatever that means.

Time.

10 Minutes - I Am Enjoying a Kickass Birthday Weekend

Hi. It's Joe.

My birthday fell on Sunday January 9th this year. As a result, I had a three day marathon birthday weekend.

It kicked off with my birthday bash on Friday night at the Dry Bean pub in Madison WI, at which my awesome rock-n-roll band GUPPY EFFECT performed.

My friends Bryon, Rachel, and Jordan, who make up 3/4 of the band STRONG LIKE BEAR from Ames, IA also came out. STRONG LIKE BEAR opened the show for GUPPY EFFECT, in fact.

As a consequence of the fact that the missing 1/4 of STRONG LIKE BEAR was their bass player, Greg, the plan was for me to play bass with them. And it was a good plan.


I had to learn 20 of their original songs and three covers for the show, and I had ample time to do so, given that I am self-employed as a musician full time right now. I still had a cheat sheet, but I only had to glance at it a couple times during the show.

I got to the Dry Bean early, with my drummer Pedro, and we met STRONG LIKE BEAR for fish fry. They have all you can eat BAKED fish on the fish fry menu at Dry Bean, which I like. Typically, the baked option is not all you can eat at most fish places. But at the Dry Bean it is. So I fueled my rocking Friday night with three hefty slabs of baked cod.

And what a night of rocking it was. The STRONG LIKE BEAR set went smoothly and then GUPPY EFFECT took the stage and rocked almost NON-STOP until bar time (we took a short set break). The time just FLEW by and it was closing time before I knew or was ready for it to be.






We had a bunch of guest rockers perform. My bass student, Troy, played 3 numbers with us. Ex-Guppy Effect guitarist Kyle came up and played California, a song we co-wrote together a few years ago. Also, the members of STRONG LIKE BEAR joined us for a runaway train rendish of White Zombie's "Black Sunshine."




We shouted out several tributes, performing Leather for Heather for ex-Guppy Effect drummer MG's fiancee, Heather, and Blondie's "One Way or Another" for Clay and Gina of BABY ROCKET.

We also rocked two Kiss songs. "Dr. Love" was tributed to Tyler and "Detroit Rock City" went out to our merch girl, Jodi, who is from the big D.

And speaking of tributes and the D, we also played Tenacious D's "Tribute."

Well, my time is up, so I am going to stick to my guns and quit writing now. It is Sunday morning of my ACTUAL birthday. STRONG LIKE BEAR has headed back to Iowa and in a few short hours GUPPY EFFECT will rehearse, followed by a song writing session with PURVEYORS OF PULCHRITUDE.

Have a good one.

Time.