12.13.2012

10 Minutes - The Douchebag

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Hi. It's Joe.

I am going to tell you a story.

When Phil pulled his compact car into the parking lot at work, he had to stop and stare in dismay at the giant Escalade that was parked right on the line, taking up two parking spots.

Or was it?

It seemed to Phil like his 2001 Prius might just be able to squeeze in on the driver's side of the Escalade.

There were other spots available in the lot, but they were all far away from the employee entrance to the building and it was cold outside. It didn't seem right to Phil that this Escalade should get two spots.

Phil backed up his car a little bit and carefully pulled his Prius in next to the Escalade on the driver side. In order for him to squeeze out of the Prius, he had to park about an inch from the Escalade.

"I am now a bigger a-hole than this guy," Phil thought to himself as he squeezed out of his driver side and headed for the building.

At noon, a burly chap came out of the building. He was one of those people who had no brain pan, the rounded part at the back of the skull. The back of his neck just went up in a straight line to the top of his head.

When he got to his Escalade, he stopped and stared, then he felt the tickle of growing rage in the base of his spine, radiating up into his abdomen, his chest, his neck, and then straight up to the brain pan free pinnacle of his skull. His reptilian brain took over.

He got out his cell phone and dialed a number. He told the person who answered that he needed a tow truck and gave the address of the workplace.

A few minutes later, a tow truck arrived and a stubbly, pot bellied mechanic with grease on his T-shit got out.

"I need this Prius towed," Burly No Brain Pan Man said. "It's blocking me from getting in my SUV."

The mechanic took a few seconds to assess the situation, and then a grin began to fill his face.

"What's so funny?" Burly asked Mechanic.

"I can't tow that car if it is not yours," Mechanic replied.

"Why not?" Burly asked. "It's blocking me!"

"Maybe you can just get in on the passenger side and slide over," Mechanic said. "Plenty of room on that side."

"I have rights!" Burly bellowed. "Why can't you tow that car?"

"Because the driver of that car is not parked like a douchebag," Mechanic replid. "Good day to you."

And with that he got in his pickup and drove away.

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