11.01.2015

The Resistance is Real

Resistance is a demon that resides in my head, and in most peoples' heads. It's all the psychological and social conditioning that gets in the way of achieving goals and conquering tasks en route to a certain artistic and personal vision.

Procrastination is the most illustrative manifestation of Resistance. Distraction is another. Fear of failure is a more abstract one...the resistance of people to take risks because they do not want to fail, but would rather stay within a narrow comfort zone.

I used to think Resistance was entirely in my head, and I still mostly do. But sometimes things happen that make me think Resistance is more externally present.

Take today for example. It's the first day of National Novel Writing Month (aka NaNoWriMo...aka November). It falls on a Sunday during which I have, remarkably, no other responsibilities confounding my ability to have a few solid consecutive hours to write, write, write.

I had planned to start about noon, when Deborah was going to go work out. Just as she was preparing to leave for the gym, she got excruciating pain in her right hip joint and we had to go to urgent care instead. HIPAA rules forbid me from sharing any details, but it does not appear to be anything serious. She is on crutches for two weeks to keep the weight off her right leg. When we got back from urgent care, I made us a late lunch and Deborah said she wanted to take a nap afterwards. I was hopeful I could start writing about 4 PM. I wanted to get at least four straight hours of writing in. I had to feed the dogs and do a few chores, but I was at my desk by 4:25.

OK, I thought. If I can write until 8:30, that will be good.

I fired up my ancient Mac laptop and it decided to take a big dump, going super slow and giving me lots of the rainbow spinning disk icons. I restarted the machine and that took forever and gave me more spinning disks. Finally I shut it down entirely, waited a few minutes, and then restarted it. I am currently still waiting for the piece of shite to fully boot up.

I decided not to sit on my hands, but rather to write this post on my smart phone instead.

The point is that the Resistance seems to be fighting me in the real world, not just in my mind. I don't have the cognitive power to psychokinetically eff up the inner binary code of my computer. I did take my laptop to Funks Pub last night, so I could livestream the Halloween show there (feat. yours truly on bass). The laptop might have taken a bit of a beating during that period, but it wasn't willful. I was careful transporting it and laptops are supposed to be tolerant of a degree of mobility.

Anyway, the beast appears to be back up now, but it is already after 5 pm and my time window has taken a substantial hit. I will try to write until 9 PM, if the tides of the Cosmos allow it.

Frustrating.

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