FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: Joe Leonard, email@example.com
MADISON WI, December 2, 2016 - With only about a month and a half to go before the existential crisis that will pretty much destroy humanity, an analysis of trends leading up to this weekend suggests it should be a pretty chillaxed and fun time.
"I have a rare weekend off from any substantial music gigs," said Cactus Joe, who conducted the analysis. "No band shows. No open mics to host. The only quasi-responsibility I have is to rehearse a couple songs for the open jam at Funks Pub that I'll go to on Sunday night. But that's a really low stress relaxed environment and I enjoy concluding my weekend there with some good music and a couple pints."
Critics point out that Cactus Joe will still be on his fortnight of Atkins dieting as of jam time on Sunday night, and thus cannot imbibe beer while remaining within the boundaries of this low carb, high fat/protein dietary regimen.
"Yeah, that's a bit of a bummer," Cactus Joe said. "But I was just speaking generally, not specifically. I don't need to drink beer to have a good time, although it does make other people more tolerable. But this Atkins diet has shown some significant effects on my waistline and some people are noticing I'm thinner, so I don't want to screw it up. Hopefully, the free appetizers that Funks serves up for everyone during the jam will have some Atkins friendly selections. There was a marinated pork shoulder last Sunday that was...mmmmm...to die for."
Deborah Montgomery, soul mate and life partner of Cactus Joe noted one caveat that could disrupt the weekend's predicted platitude.
"We really need to rake the leaves in the backyard before it snows," Montgomery said. "And by 'we' of course I mean Joe..."
The weekend fun begins tonight when Cactus Joe returns home from Uber driving and goes to the gym.
"I'm hoping Deborah wants to work out tonight," he said. "It's funner to go to the gym with a workout partner. Maybe we'll go out for an Atkins friendly dinner somewhere after that. I need to squeeze an hour of piano practice in there somewhere."
Learning jazz piano is one of Cactus Joe's objectives for the 100 Day Challenge he is participating in as part of his Mastermind accountability group.
"I'm also learning Spanish and Welsh," Cactus Joe said. "I doubt I'll ever need to speak Welsh in my lifetime, but you know...what what if I did?"
On Saturday, Joe and Deborah will join good friends Sherry and Tyler for a social holiday dinner with the bike group that they occasionally rode with last summer and this will likely be followed by the four of them going to the Crystal Corner dive bar to spectate a slew of punk rock bands that are performing there.
"One of my Uber passengers is the drummer in one of the bands, No Hoax, and when he told me about the show, it sounded compelling," Cactus Joe said. "When he said he knew drummer Dano from EDDIE ATE DYNAMITE, the punk band I think I still play in, I was sold."
[Editor's Note: EDDIE ATE DYNAMITE, Wisconsin's classiest punk rock outfit, is currently on indefinite hiatus.]
Sources close to Cactus Joe said that he will spend a portion of Sunday in seclusion, mastering his martial art of ROCKNROLL FU (aka ROCK FU) for upcoming band performances against unknown musical adversaries (mostly music venue charlatans).