FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: Joe Leonard, firstname.lastname@example.org
MADISON WI, December 11, 2016 - In a concise study of all members of their local gym, Joe and Deborah confirmed with high certainty their recently posited theory that the best time to go to the gym is during a blizzard.
"The tricky part of this study was finding a convenient blizzard," said Joe, primary investigator on the study. "It had to coincide with a normally busy time at the gym...and today [Saturday] we were in luck."
The blizzard in question rolled in around 2 PM and was raging full strength by 6 PM, normally a peak time for gym attendance, when Joe and Deborah went into the field to collect their data.
"On Saturday afternoons the place is usually overrun with people, especially unattended children," said Deborah. "That was our primary metric in this study...how many kids?"
"What we found really stunned the entire fitness community," Joe said. "Not only were there no kids, but there were hardly any adults there either. We thought a few hearty introverted souls would brave the snow to have a rare socialization-free workout, but out of all the members of the health club, only Deborah and me and like three other people were in the place."
Critics point out that the study results are only applicable to conveniently timed blizzards.
"If the snow fell during the night after 10 PM, it wouldn't be of much value to people like us," said Deborah. "I'm usually in bed by then."
The study investigators determined that "sh!tty roads" were the primary factor in optimizing the gym environment for minimal human interaction.
"We crossed referenced testimony from Jeff at the front desk of the gym that the roads were sh!tty with our own duplicate measurements that we took driving the short round trip between the gym and home," Joe said. "We are 99.9% confident that the roads were in fact sh!tty by most standards."
Jake disputed this finding while spinning donuts with his Jeep in the Pick-n-Save parking.
"This is phukkin' awesome!" Jake argued before laughing hysterically and spinning the tires on the souped up vehicle.