2.02.2017

Tropical Vay-Kay Day One - Delta Force

I'm at the gate in the Madison airport for our flight to tropical, palm tree-rich Florida, by way of Detroit. I have to say, Delta airlines appears to suck slightly less than some of the other air carriers. For example, when we checked Deborah's megalithic suitcase in upon arrival at the airport, it was two (2) pounds over the legal weight. That reality granted the Delta agent wide latitude to eff with our shite. She could have made us pay a fee for the extra heavy luggage. She could have asked Deborah to transfer two pounds of ballast to my considerably smaller carry-on duffel bag. I'm sure she could have hassled us a dozen other legal ways too. But she was actually cool about it, only giving Deborah a "stern" warning to watch the weight in the future, as she attached a HEAVY label to the bag. We hadn't even exercised the wheelchair sympathy hack yet (see below).

Since our flight was scheduled to depart at about 2 PM, I had an unusually leisurely morning for a "travel" day. I had done most of my packing last night. I got a solid night's sleep due to a combination of a long (but fun) day at work yesterday and a hefty dose of Benadryl before bed. In the morning, I meditated and shaved and even had time to go to the gym for an hour, where I burned 500 or so calories on the stationary bike (whilst completing my Duolingo language exercises on my tablet) and then pounded out 50 crunches with ease. I arrived home with 15 minutes to spare before Deborah's nephew (and our neighbor) Josh drove us to the airport.

We breezed through security, notwithstanding a slight hiccup due to Deborah's improper loading of her laptop on the x-ray conveyor machine thing. Due to her gimpy foot, we had scored a wheel chair after checking in her bag with the aforementioned nice Delta agent. The wheelchair serves a legit purpose for Deborah's handicap, but also has the bonus perk of getting us instant access to the front of the security line. While I am in no way condoning this, dear readers, asking for a wheelchair is totes free (thank you, Americans With Disabilities Act!) hack for getting to the front of the security line at most airports, if, say, you are late for a flight or something (use it, but don't abuse it).

Deborah and I scored an overpriced power bar and a coffee (how does a $2.99 coffee, according to the menu board, become a $4.50 coffee, according to the cash register???), respectively, and chilled at a table in an airport piano bar for about a half hour before heading to our gate. We are sitting across from a guy who is a spitting image doppelganger of Vladimir Putin (see thumbnail). A part of me wants it to be ACTUAL Vladimir Putin, traveling in cognito. I am sure Donald Trump would have no issues with granting Putin free agency to enter and leave the USA at will, under a pseudonym.

Well, a few minutes have transpired since I wrote the above. We are now on the plane, having once again exploited the gimp loophole to board with "those needing a little extra time or assistance." I'm going to end here for now, and will report back soon.

Ciao!

PS. Snacks and soda still free on Delta airlines. Just sayin'...

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