6.28.2010

30 Minutes - The Game

Hi. It's Joe.

I read "The Game" by Neill Strauss. I am not ashamed to admit it. It's a well written book.

It's basically a semi-autobiographical story of his journalistic foray into the world of pick-up artists, guys who make a hobby of seducing women. He started out just to get a story, but as he was researching it, he became intrigued by it and ended up learning to be a pick-up artist - by his telling THE BEST pickup artist, to whom all others come for advice.

So the book is also kind of like tips for picking up chicks. And of course, he makes millions convincing guys they are losers who need his book (and assorted peripheral products) if they ever hope to meet and mate with beautiful women. So regardless of his reported success with the ladies, he at least seems to be a very successful business man, fulfilling a need for lonely horny guys everywhere.

In summary, Strauss monopolizes on the idea that says girls like fun, confident, friendly, good-looking guys who smell nice. No brainer there. He also says no matter how fun, confident, good-looking, and nice-smelling you are, you will never get a girl unless you make her feel safe and secure.

To put it bluntly, this means she needs to sincerely feel like you aren't just trying to get in her pants.

The irony, of course, is that Strauss then outlines exactly how to get in the girl's pants.

So, in a way it comes across as kind of creepy, because these guys are setting out to deceive women into sleeping with them by appearing and behaving as if that is exactly what they are not trying to do. I'm amazed that women fall for this stuff, but the psychology behind it seems sound and unless Strauss is yanking everyone's chain, it does appear to work, at least for him.

So the creepy deception factor is one thing I didn't like about this book. Sure, you can fake your way into bed with a girl by following the handful of useful tips on how to appear fun, confident, good-looking and scenty, even if you are actually a reclusive, awkward, insecure, lazy, ripe couch potato. But that just seems fake, because it is.

So at some point you have to actually transcend all of this (like a martial arts master) and just become THAT GUY for real, if you really want that. Dress up nice, and go out not trying to pick up girls but rather to have fun being all you can be, with friends. Focus on you, not them. Like they say, when you aren't looking for love, it finds you. And that's Strauss's main thesis. His strategy is to learn to be THAT GUY until it is no longer a deception, it is who you are, and then girls will desire you. Take it or leave it, I am just summarizing his book.

The other thing I didn't like about this book is that it focuses on busting game in bars. I don't know about you, but I hate meeting girls in bars. In fact, when I am in bars, I am completely disinterested in most of the girls there. For one thing, I don't drink. And why do girls go to bars? To have fun, usually drinking, and sometimes smoking which is the ultimate turn off when I first meet a girl, unless she has a super personality. So I have no problem showing no interest in girls in bars. And that's also probably why I don't pimp out too much when I go out, so as not to attract undue attention from said girls. I am flattered when a girl shows interest, but honestly I would never date her if I met her in a bar.

So I think this book is really more about SELF improvement than GAME. If you want to get girls, don't try to get girls. Just go out and become the best person you can be and have as much fun as you can. The girls will notice your devil-may-care confidence and fun streak, and if you smell good, all the better.

See, I just taught you how to pick up chicks for FREE and you don't even have to buy a book.

Most guys should intuitively know that when you go out to have a good time, you don't want to spend it ogling girls. Women have a radar for this and immediately lose interest in any guy who is scoping for "game," because they will immediately know the guy wants in their pants. Thus, they no longer feel safe. This is why caribou get all antsy when a pack of wolves shows up. Same idea. This is probably also why gay guys have no problem hanging out with beautiful women. So guys, really just go out to have fun and don't worry about getting laid. But do worry about your body odor and appearance if you want any chicks who notice you to remain interested.

To get game, you have to let it come to you, by being a PRIZE. You have to look like "the prey" - by being fun, confident, and good-looking/smelling, but not horny and desperate.

When I met my girlfriend Tracy at a pizza joint, we had good chemistry right away, even though she smoked. We went on fun dates and when we went to bars it was mainly because I was performing music, not to party down. Because we can both be ourselves around each other, we already have that natural attraction of feeling safe and comfortable with someone. So all the stuff that Neil Strauss tries to teach people to do with complete strangers to get one night stands, Tracy and I already have permanently, and no phony pretend stuff needed.

I think that's way cooler, and I've always said so, even though she doesn't like it when other girls hit on me (which I think is because of the reasons above, that I am just out to have fun and be myself and other women are attracted to that - except that beyond flattery, I don't care.).

So I hope Tracy knows how much I love being with her and that all those other girls have no chance of competing with what we have. It's like I have told her a million times, if I was attracted to another woman, I would tend to be very shy and awkward around that person. So when I am being extroverted and flirtatious with other women (kind of like the way gay guys do) is actually when I have no interest in them and can be myself (which, ironically, they are attracted to - see above).

So it's a conundrum.

I'd love to hear your views on attraction and your stories about how you met your significant other (circumstances), if you would care to leave a comment below.

Time.

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