THE MAN Cannot Exploit My Fitness Challenges for HIS Personal Gain

I don’t see much improvement in my pace or running time on my 3.5 mile morning runs, which I have been doing 3 to 4 times per week for about a month now. I have shaved off perhaps a minute on my total time, but this is largely to do with getting out the door more expediently after I start MAP MY RIDE, the GPS app I use to track this crap. I also used to warm up for about 0.25 miles by walking fast, but now I do the warm up as a slow shuffling trot, because I feel like that uses the right muscles, whereas walking uses slightly different ones and doesn’t loosen up my lower back and hip joints as well.

So, my shaved minute is probably artifactual in most respects. But, that’s OK. I do notice that the runs have become easier for me. I settle into a breathing cadence with my feet much faster and instead of thinking about how painful running is, like I did when I started this fitness challenge, I now daydream about other things. I consider that an improvement.

I still get an amazing runner’s high that boosts my energy and mood for the entire day, even when the imbeciles at work make it startlingly difficult to focus and enjoy myself. I win. On top of that, it’s my understanding that exercise in the morning boosts your basal metabolic rate. If that is true, then I am burning slightly more calories all day long than I would if I was not getting morning exercise. When I run in the evening, I don’t get to enjoy the high as long, before I have to go to sleep, and I probably don’t benefit as much from the basal metabolism boost while I am relaxed and sedentary in my bed.

Running makes me more focused and productive at work. I am more resilient to the stress induced by aforementioned imbeciles and I crank out work 1.5 times more efficiently (this is a qualitative estimate). As a result, I can get to work later and/or leave earlier.

Naturally, the improved productivity is not a rationale for THE MAN to give me more work, even if there was more work to give, which there isn’t. My exercise is done on MY TIME and it is not for the benefit of THE MAN. Nor can THE MAN compel me to exercise to get more productivity out of me. Nor does THE MAN have a right to exploit my increased productivity for HIS gain. I am being paid to produce what the average person could reasonably produce and if I am able to increase my efficiency, effectiveness, and productivity in my own way, that is for my benefit only. It means I can get my work done faster and better, and as a result, I can “give myself a raise.” If you disagree, then give me a good rationale for why THE MAN should expect more from me just because I run. Most of my coworkers are sedentary and commensurately lazy and brain dead at the workplace. I am under no obligation to pick up the slack for them. But more importantly, THE MAN has no right or reason to expect me to exercise on HIS behalf. If he dumped more work on me, based on my increased productivity, that would be a losing proposition, because I might decide to stop exercising and then my productivity would drop back to the median levels upon which I was hired for this job, and some of the added work burden would not get done. So THE MAN cannot compel me to run in order to boost his profits. That would be a violation of my civil and lazy American rights. Indeed, when the cold weather comes in a couple of months, my exercising will drop considerably. I hate exercising indoors and I have an aversion to exercising outdoors when it is too cold. My solution is simple…I don’t exercise in winter.

Actually, that is not entirely true. I sometimes set up my indoor bicycle trainer and do that for exercise in the winter. But I don’t like it, as I said, because it is indoors, and it is also not as energizing of a workout as running.

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