13th Floor Elevators

I have this weekend largely to myself until the open jam at Funk's Pub on Sunday night. I kind of need that so I can think about things and have some peace and quiet. I have been in kind of a transitional period mentally lately, where I know I am not going in the right direction I want to go in, creatively and in life, but I haven't yet figured out how I got off track and what my next steps are to get back on the right track. I think I am basically just burnt out on corporate America as a whole. It's just a paycheck and it's unsatisfying. I don't feel especially bad about that. I just know something needs to change. I am basically sacrificing my creative pursuits to make some corporate entity profitable, and it's not a particularly fair or equitable arrangement. The work is not that difficult, but it doesn't fulfill me at all anymore. It kind of sucks at my soul like a vampire, slowly draining me of my will to live and be creative. But my creative soul fights against that resolutely. I know I am awesome and I have a lot to give the world, artistically and creatively. But my whole life, society has been trying to beat the muse out of me, shaming me for wanting to create intellectual property and devaluing it and suggesting I am selfish for wanting to pursue my creative goals.

I don't like it. I just don't yet have a better solution. I need to develop one, and that's why I am in a bit of a funk. Not a depression or anything, just a sense of being a bit stumped in how to achieve my true life goals right now. Working my whole life for soulless corporate entities is definitely not a goal. But that seems to be the path I am on and I need a more balanced path that allows me to do my art more fully.

One thing my current job has illustrated is that I am capable of cranking out an amazingly large volume of work in a very short time if I am focused and uninterrupted. I have been rocking everything they throw at me, but it is just too much and I know I am going to burn out sooner than later, so I need to have some plans B. I should be applying that level of commitment and focus to my own artistic creations. Nights and weekends just isn't enough time to do it, especially after having my brain flogged all day at the corporate workplace. Sure, the people are great and the work is straightforward. In short, it's an overload of boring tedium. How do people do this their whole life? I will tell you...by killing their soul, or at least locking it away in the attic and letting it die a slow and miserable death.

But my soul is too alive, and that's a problem. It is a bit of a pugilist, and wants to fight off the things that are trying to chain it down and murder it. My true passion is to travel and investigate and write about cool places and things. I'd probably have to do that freelance. I know I have the skills and the motivation. Worst case scenarios seldom happen, so I am not too worried about failure. I would definitely do my best, as the 4 Agreements encourage. That's all a guy can really do. I'd also like to spend more time with family. I totally feel disconnected with them right now.

All that said, here I am wasting what little precious creative time I have busting out a fairly pointless blog post. I need to go have at it.

So this weekend I am going to kick out some FAWM songs and work on my book some more. These are my priority goals. The softer goals are to meditate and think and be happy. I will probably dabble in some piano. There is talk of a sledding outing with some friends on Sunday evening before the open jam.

I am also taking the opportunity this weekend to listen to a bunch of the CDs on my CD rack. With the introduction of SPOTIFY to my life, I have moved away from the "hard" music media and this weekend makes for a good opportunity to get back in touch with that. I started off with some psychedelic acid rock by the 13th Floor Elevators, and followed that with a poorly recorded bootleg of some jam band I don't recognize. I think I am going to ditch the jam band bootleg, but the 13th Floor Elevators are cool. The music is poorly produced and I associate it with impressionist art. It is kind of fuzzy and chaotic, but it impresses upon me an emotional message, as I believe was the intent of the musicians. Check out the 13th Floor Elevators some time if you get the chance.

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